I know what it is that drives me. I must have meaning in everything. Everything must have a connected and shared meaning, not because I say so, but because I know everything does have a shared meaning. It is my God-given hardwiring to ponder the tapestry of God himself, life and all his creation to bring about his beauty and clarity of reason and meaning to myself and others so likeminded. This is how I am made to think and experience the world. Ergo, I fear losing meaning and purpose. But there are some truths that I need to understand and purpose to live by in order to avoid my “dark side” inconspicuously alluded to in the previous blog post.
So here is my philosophy I must do and believe to assuage inner and outer catastrophe:
- I can find or cultivate meaning no matter where I am until I find the most suitable place for living, work, relationship and more. (Philippians 4:11-13)
- There is nothing wrong with me. It is a lie that I am screwed up in the head. My job/career field is crazy (dubious for others to believe, I’ll grant), whereas I am not. (John 10:10)
- I, however, am in fact ill-suited for grade school teaching. While I do love to enlighten and help people understand deeper truths of life, the grade school teaching profession is not my lifelong vocation. It is a short-term venture from which I was to learn and grow; a springboard for something greater. Teaching, yes. Grade school, absolutely not! It actually feels so good to say that. I have determined this and I plan to quit in the near future. My personality (INTP) and public education, or at least as it presently exists, do not mix!
As for ENTP career-seekers, the road to a satisfying career can be a rough and rocky one for INTPs. INTPs feel they must understand themselves and their place in the world before settling into a career. This includes identifying their skills, as well as their interests and values. Nailing down exactly what they want to do can be a frustrating affair for INTPs, requiring a great deal of experimentation. Despite this, it is possible for INTPs to find a satisfying career niche. It may simply take many years, even well into their thirties, for their niche to emerge with sufficient clarity.
Because of their rugged individualism, INTPs may struggle to find satisfaction with traditional careers choices and are reluctant to function as employees. Perhaps more than any other type, they want to work independently. They loathe the idea of answering to someone else and can have difficulty embracing an organization’s vision as their own. LikeINFPs, they are sensitive to what they see as meaningless or menial aspects of a given job. This is exacerbated by their innate skepticism, which urges them to question the ultimate value of most tasks. Because of their need for autonomy and control over their work, many end up as self-employed entrepreneurs.
I clearly have a lot to think and pray about.
- I must accept that even in the wake of the worst of outcomes from here on, everything will be okay. Or the only direction to take after failing and falling, is to climb upward. So what. I’ll get up and do something else.
- Above all, the Lord Jesus Christ is in control. What or whom should I fear? (Psalm 27:1)
- I believe I’ve been given a catalyzing challenge–that is, a career field that tap dances on all my deepest weaknesses (namely my feelings)–to cause both growth and an existential crisis in me, which always leads me to question three areas of my world with a ferocious analytical prowess: life, work and relationship. In other words, I am gaining the courage to grow beyond the comfort zone of teaching primary school. God is saying “It is time to move on because you had become too comfortable in the last few years prior to deploying to Afghanistan in 2012. So I moved you to your weakest point to push you onward. You take the deepest account of all things in crisis. I want to strengthen you through where I have placed you this year. Be patient and persevere. Be strong and courageous!”
- The Lord has spoken to me a lot saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9